This is the cluttered area I call my art studio. I've been in it alot more lately. I promise, somewhere in there, art is being made! :) It feels good. Will post pics as I complete things.
be still, assemblage by me
she often came unhinged, [SOLD] assemblage by me
"avant garden" mixed media assemblage (sold), by me
I wish I would have taken a "before" shot of the studio space, but alas, I was so eager to make it all better that I forgot to snap one (i will post "afters" since I promised mom I'd show her how it turned out). Needless to say, I know what the difference is & that's really all that matters. Plus who would have thought that organizing my studio space would mean that my utility room got a much-needed revamp, I will be able to eat on my dining table again, and that I repurposed other furniture items into much more functional roles in other rooms?!
It's a really good feeling, even though I'm not 100% complete yet, to get this massive undertaking underway & reclaim a clutter-free (or mostly anyway) house! Yay me & thanks mom!!!
xoxo!
above assemblage constructed using: thrift store frame, spoon, wire, tin & found bits of random hardware assembled to look like flowers, wax, bits of vintage paper & modern cardstock.
me in front of my pieces, 3117 White Oak, Nov 1, 2009
my new Holga & first glasses, by me
The above pic has nothing to do with today's post (not like all the pictures ever do anyway), but it just so happened I got my new Holga (even though I said earlier I had a crush on her) & my first-ever specs on the same day this week.
What's really on my mind is momentum--or lack thereof at the moment. I've been preparing for my first art show coming up this Sunday (today is Tuesday eve) & I still have some last-minute finishing touches to put on 2 pieces. I'm having a REALLY hard time using my time towards finishing them. Over the last month, since I found out about this show, I've been busting my butt to finalize many pieces that have sat stagnant for the better part of this past year, so they'll be ready for the show. I have made some brand new ones in that time as well. But I'm feeling tapped out, I guess...just before the finish line.
This happened to me during college too. My very last semester of my senior year, I was so sick & tired of writing, but during those final months before graduation, I had one more written piece due every day it seemed. I mean there's alot of writing in college, but getting my degree IN writing, meant that was just about all I did that last year. I was so burnt out on writing, that I acutally started turning in pieces about how sick I was of writing. By the time graduation came & I got a 9-5 paying job behind a desk in an office building, I told everyone who would listen that if I never had to write creatively again, I'd be fine. (I didn't dare consider market studies and sales proposals creative). Yet today, I wish I hadn't let so much time go by without making an effort to write. The muscles feel like they've atrophied on me because I've lost touch with so much of what I cultivated during those grueling final years in my writing program.
I'm feeling bits of all that stirring now with my art work. And I don't want to feel that way, but it's the truth (at this very moment anyway). With this being my first art show & me still being relatively new to creating this type of art (barely 2 yrs now), I don't know if this is "normal" to want to pack away the paints and found objects because I'm actually rather sick of looking at all the clutter. Just like I don't know if, for writers, it's similar when they've finished that novel or published that collection of short stories and cannot get far enough away from the laptop or writing notebook or sentence structure.
Do all creatives go through this "if I never have to do this again..." feeling or is it just me trying to convince myself to give up on something else just when I get my momentum going?! I still get new ideas that gnaw at me--for both art concepts & writing pieces. I still got really energiezed when a new piece started to magically unfold in the midst of finalizing all the other half-finished ones. I still get excited to think about taking an erotic writing course at the first of the year. Maybe I just need balance--time for art with writing with photography and with rambling walks and new recipes and friends and whatever else gives me some distance from those callings that I do enjoy but that can be a bit all-consuming if not peppered with breaks and time to get reinspired.
Baby steps...I'm getting it.
xoxo!
Dream Catcher
I've been working on a list of "dreams"...intentions really...things I'd like to do/put out into the Universe as an offering and a request for help in achieving my heart's desires.
I have been feeling very nutured by the Universe lately, so I'm trusting it more. Maybe it's because I'm not fighting with myself as much. Maybe it's because I'm trying to trust the process more. And maybe it's just because I'm allowing myself to believe in myself for a change...especially when I stop long enough to see the signs & feel guiding hands giving me nudges & thumbs-ups.
So I thought I should put my list of dreams OUT THERE...as scary as that feels even though nobody is reading my blog but me. If for no other reason that to finally be able to say: I believe in my own dreams dammit! It is by no means a static list...it's a start. Perhaps I will update it every few months--cross off & add to.
It's a small step...but every journey begins with one, right?
xoxo!
Falling to Pieces
Fear is a funny thing. We think it keeps us safe, and I guess it does when true safety is really an issue. But when we use it to save us from ourselves, it can be downright debilitating and hurtful thing.
I don't know exactly when/why/how it started, but I'm now realizing that I've been chronically living in a state of fear...of what exactly I'm not entirely clear at this moment in time, but I do know it's much more pervasive in my life than anything else at this point. And I have a hard time naming it "fear," but the longer I look at it, the longer I feel it in my bones & my muscles & my gut & my heart, and the longer I try to name it with things like procrastination or insecurity or not-good-enough or illness or frustration I realize that all of it wraps comfortably within the definition of fear.
I have always been a person of great ideas, yet very few have come to be anything more than that. I have thoughts & dreams & wants & desires that stay firmly put in the cracks of my brain. I see things other people are doing & think "I can do that," but then I don't. I hear a tiny whisper in my heart & think "I want that" but don't take the steps to claim it. I can come up with a hundred reasons why I don't, but they are all actually veiled in fear.
The fear has manifested in many ways over the years...bad relationships, bad careers, bad situations, bad moves & decisions & even inaction. I think that last one is the one that eats away at me the most...inaction. Atleast with making bad decisions, I'm taking action & can stumble & fall & learn & get up. So you'd think with all the bad decisions I've made & bounced back from, I'd be a pro at just doing it & figuring it out later. But there are so many areas where inaction is the choice I make instead...I just sit, stagnant, frustrated, afraid to move in any direction. And the most infruiating part, is that it's that the things I choose to be inactive about are the things my soul is pushing me towards. Things that would probably ultimately dispell the fear & propel me toward the truest me.
So today I say fuck fear...tomorrow might be a different story, but atleast for today, fear can go fuck itself.
xoxo.
Time Traveler
me confused in Piccadilly...Aug '09
xoxo!
