Well of course I said I was back, but it's taken me several more months to actually come back here. I'd like to utilize this forum more, but I get distracted & caught up in the fact that there's really no rhyme or reason to this space. But whatever, right? Rhyme schmyme. Reason schmeason.

So instead of focusing on what I haven't been doing, here are a couple of things I have been doing.

Turning 40!

I was so ready to be done with the 30's...not the greatest decade.

I have high hopes for this next one.

And completing my trainer certification!

Apparently I'm official now although I feel I still need some additional hands-on work to really get out there & start making it happen.

And going to Germany!!

My mom & I went back to where it all began & had a great time.

I was born in Aschaffenburg Germany 40 years ago!

Otherwise, I'm actually still trying to get back into the swing of things since the trip (which was back in late June...it takes me awhile, what can I say?) Prior to & during the early parts of Germany, I was feeling pretty good. I was getting to the Park a couple of times a week to exercise (and then not crashing after) & maintaining a fairly brisk pace throughout the trip. But food was nutty on the trip (can you say Nutella & bread everyday for breakfast?) & my energy really started to lag midway through....and honestly, it's continued lagging ever since returning home...i.e. back to the dreaded workworld.

My attitude about this has been less than stellar, I have to admit, yet I'm seeing some light at the end of this dark tunnel. Perhaps a return to Austin is in my more-immediate future than once previously thought...stay tuned for more on that. A bit more waiting is in order, but my intentions have been set & the wheels are in motion. Patience isn't my strongest suit, but I'm mustering as much as I can while I wait it out. It also helps that, in my mind, I'm already planning my going away party! :)

xoxo!

pssst....coming back

a view along the Main River, Aschaffenburg Germany

For those who have visited & inquired about my whereabouts--thank you. I don't know who most of you Anonymous(es) are, but thank you for checking in.

I'm just back from a trip to Germany which has re-invigorated me & inspired me to get back to blogging...even in spite of the potential that "the stalker" may see/follow along. I will be posting pics & thoughts from my trip very soon (with over 1300 pictures to download/upload/detail, it's proving quite the undertaking to get them online in some descriptive way)...as well as thoughts on my upcoming 40th birthday & what I've been up to (or not up to as is probably more accurate) since I last posted in February. Stay tuned--if you dare!

xoxo!

mom is where the heart is

mom is where the heart is

A new piece, made for a friend's 40th birthday in remembrance of her mother, using old silverware she passed down. This is the first piece I've completed since my show in Nov '09...and hopefully will not be the last in 2011.

I've had a hankering for more collage-y type things, so we'll see.

xoxo!

blog closed

blog closed...for now anyway...due to stalker.

giving vs getting

4 : 365 photo for my 365 self-portrait challenge

Today while I was getting an uber unhealthy lunch at Whataburger (seriously why I do I do these things to myself...now I have a cold sore & stopped up sinuses?) there was a teeny tiny old lady in front of me. I'd seen her there before with her osteo hunchback keeping her at barely 4 ft tall & her tiny doll-like hands carrying plastic bags and counting out change to pay for her food.

Today she was asking the cashier how much this would be or what if she just got that. Once decided, $2.01 was her total & she dug in her plastic grocery-style bags for her wallet, and then into that for her money. She paid with a $20 bill + a penny. She obviously had the cash on her to buy any combo of food on the menu; however, I imagined that she is on a tight;limited income & obviously had to make that $20 last if she was buying the least expensive option available.

She took a long time to order & pay, and probably had it been anyone else, I would have been impatient about it, getting quietly angrier the more time that passed. But for a little old lady, struggling to still be out in the world, wanting nothing more than a junior sized hamburger for her Tuesday lunch, I suddenly had all the time in the world.

I too only have a set amount I can spend on lunch each day...i.e. $0.00, but some days I ignore this (as well as my dietary restrictions). Not only did I pay for my $5.00 meal, but I decided to buy a gift card and put money on it as well. I debated it in my head as I stood at the cash register ordering. I mean, it wasn't alot in the grand scheme of things, but it was definitely alot more than I was planning to spend on lunch for myself. "Just do it, it's nothing...what will matter more in 5 years, spending this money or doing something kind?" I thought. So I did.

I presented the lady with the card after I got my food. I told her I'd seen her in there before & I wanted to give her alittle gift so that the next few times she comes in, she can get whatever she wants. I worried that I'd offend her. I worried that she wouldn't understand. I worried that the amount wasn't enough. But she was so delighted. Her face lit up and she took the card in her hand and looked at it like it had sparkley ribbons & bows on it, then looked at me, smiling and said "thank you so much." She gave me a big hug, bigger than I would have imagined from this tiny little lady, and I felt tears start to well up in my eyes as we embraced. I wished her a happy new year and tried to exit as quickly as I could before I really started crying in the middle of a crowded dining room.

I don't know why I got so emotional in the moment...crying emotional versus just smiling emotional. I wondered as I walked off who needed what more--her the money or me the hug.

xoxo!

2011...bring it on!

!!!HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

photo via BBC tv by the fabulous D.Wills, London, UK

I'm soooo ready for 2011. In addition to my word/intention for next year, I shall forge ahead with my list of t0-do's. I have to say, I'm pretty excited about this grouping!

1) 365 self-portrait challenge

2) read 1 book per month--or atleast with some regularity

3) monthly photo assignment

4) go to Germany to revisit my birthplace for my birthday

5) improve photography skills/knowledge

6) let go of unfulfilling relationships + nurture/create fulfilling ones

7) submit 3 short stories for publication

8) finish 2010 NaNoWriMo novel draft

9) stretch

10) get a sewing machine

11) make more mosaics

12) return to buying myself flowers

13) drink more whiskey

14) wear more hats

15) get a Pentax K1000

16) turn 40! gotta throw in an easy one

17) launch dog training business

18) open an Etsy shop

19) take 1 self-trip (out of state [CA] or country [UK])

20) let the glass be half full for a change

Maybe it's the veil of hope that a new year brings, but pretty much every single one of those is feeling TOTALLY doable to me right now. Mostly I'm just looking forward to seeing what transpires...I'm along for the ride this year! Hope your ride has nice scenery this year.

xoxo!

prosperity*

Last year, with Unravelling, I set a word for the year...an intention with which to live. For 2010 it was "visibility"...both to be seen & to see clearly. I think I accomplished this in some ways, if not exactly in the ways I anticipated.

I de-lurked on most of the blogs I rely on daily to get me through the 9-5 grind by commenting regularly. I Facebook "friended" many online folks (mostly from aforementioned Unravelling) and got to know them better & let them alittle closer into my world. I added more contacts on Flickr & joined in on a few online groups/classes. Plus I tried to be more real & consistent on this blog, even though I question often why I have this silly thing. As for the seeing clearly part...well there was definitely some of that, although nothing that was knock-you-over-the-head EUREKA! kinda stuff, but good nuggets that helped me climb up a bit. I hope to continue letting visibility guide me into another year as well.

But with a new year comes a new view...a new mission, if you will. This year my intention, my word, is PROSPERITY...yes, in big capital letters please!

*Prosperity: a successful, thriving or flourishing condition. (ahhhh, it just makes me feel full when I read that)

I think often times we associate prosperity with financial success. And that is definitely part of my intention (throw me a bone here too Universe). I am choosing this word for more encompassing reasons. I also want to draw prosperity into my life for health, heart & my pending pursuits. I want to put my chronic fatigue behind me. I want to heal my heart-wounds & approach life more wholeheartedly. I want to dive head first into starting my dog training business & kick up some dust with my art & writing, so I can escape the cube once & for all. I want to set fear aside, so I can thrive, succeed & flourish for a change.

I'm staring down the barrel at 40 this July. The thing is, I'm not freaking out or ashamed or dreading it at all because I can feel that thing I've heard so many before me say...that this stage in life brings you to who you're meant to be. I've felt it brewing already and I can feel in my bones every step I take these days...the growing pains have already started, but they're good, like soreness after a really good workout. I have been living at 75% for too many years now & it's definitely time to prosper!

xoxo!