struggling

As usual, my notes from post to post varying so wildly. One post will be positive, hopeful, upbeat, the next post is usually the opposite (and months later than the previous).

I started working with a nutritional balancing practioner to address my underlying adrenal burnout a couple of months ago. I was hopeful at the prospect, as I'd read alot about it & found someone online who'd been through it & has been coming out the other end in a more healthful & positive light. But this protocol isn't about just getting better, as I'm finding, it's about deep, dark healing, which often times pushes you back before it propels you forward.

As such, I'm experiencing a bit of a relapse of sorts. Fatigue is finding me much easier, whereas just a couple of months ago, I was feeling a surge of renewed energy. It's a bit disheartening, yet I'm trying to keep in mind that it's actually part of the healing, so that I can keep hope alive as I muddle through. It's hard to do, when there's so much I want to do, but the easiest course is to settle into it and go with its flow rather than fight the current & resist.

I read the following on Sarah Wilson's blog today, which she borrowed from a UK thyroid support forum. I wish I would have written it myself, because I could have. It's so true & I wish everyone in my life could read & understand it...to better understand me. One of the most frustrating parts of this is that I don't look "sick," so I'm sure people have a hard time understanding exactly what it is I'm talking (aka whining) about.

Hi….My Name is Hashimoto’s, and I’m an Invisible Chronic Illness.
I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, But YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay!

I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.

Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a “Normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out…the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Hashimoto’s.

So there you go...that's where I am today.

xoxo!