Wednesday, October 31, 2012
So much for being "chatty" as my newer blog name alludes to.
Leave it to a benign holiday like Halloween to spark a blog post in me after...how many months now?!? But the truth is, I'm sitting home tonight with my gate locked & my porch lights off avoiding any trick-or-treaters that might happen by. Mind you, I've been avoiding them for I-don't-know-how-long...over 10 years atleast...and definitely ever since I moved into this house nearly 5 years ago. So I don't know why tonight feels different, but it does.
Tonight I feel like an ass for hiding out. I feel like a grumpy old lady. I feel like the crazy lady on the street that the kids are scared to ride their bikes by & the parents whisper catty things about. I'm sure none of that is true (actually I'm not sure about the catty comments part), but tonight I feel that way.
It seems we've had more kiddos out & about than usual, and I sort of want to see how they dressed up, but I didn't buy candy & I have nothing on hand to offer in a pinch. But that's not the crux of it. It's when I overheard one family welcoming my new next door neighbor couple into "the hood"...obviously they were sitting out with candy awaiting costumed visitors. Their conversation was punctuated with the family saying "yeah, feel free to stop by any time." Now this is the same family who lived right across the street from me when I first moved into the neighborhood. The same family who lived right across the street from me until only about a year ago when they moved a mere three houses down on my side of the street. The same family who has never once said HI to me or stopped to have a conversation when I've been out. The same family who's little girl used to like to come over and pet my dog when she & her nanny were out for a walk while I was home at lunch. The same family where the father has never once made eye contact or even gestured a wave to me...the wife, well she's a bit more friendly when she accidentally runs across my path.
So overhearing that conversation with my new neighbors just sorta made me feel like shit. I know I haven't gone out of my way to befriend all the folks who live on my street, but I do wave & engage in conversation with them when I see them. And recently I've made it a point to introduce myself to the new people who move in (like even baking cookies for my new next door neighbor couple), but I guess I haven't done a very good job of being a good neighbor to those who were living here when I got here. I don't know. All I know is I feel like a weird hermit sitting in a dark house with her gate closed, hoping the cutely clad kiddos hurry up and get their trick-or-treating over with, so I can let my dogs out in the front yard and sit on the porch for a night cap before going to bed without having to talk to any passers-by.
But really, when you get down to it, that's the kind of creepy mentality Halloween is made for, so perhaps when I get right down to it, I'm in the true spirit of Halloween. Or maybe I'm just an ass, I don't know.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
So I'm embarking on a wee project for myself. I am continually frustrated that I don't choose healthier options for eating when I KNOW it would do me (and my CFS) a world of good. Soooooo, I am going to attempt to implement something I feel very strongly & passionately about, but have been too, well lazy, to actually put into practice. And that is eating locally, seasonally, and sustainably/humanely.
Today I went to my local farmer's market...one I've been too many times before...with $60 in cash to see if I could buy 1-week's worth of real-live-local-seasonal-organic-sustainable food & actually live off it for the entire week. I have no idea if I can, and I've no illusions that I won't have other foods of some sort throughout the week, but I wanted to challenge myself just to see. Mind you, I can easily spend about $100 at the regular grocery, buying food that I won't end up eating or that will sit in my freezer for months forgotten. That also accounts for buying non-food items as well, of course.
Today at the farmers' market, I spent about $57 & I got (from back to front, left to right in the photo above): 2 fennel bulbs, mint, 1 dozen chicken eggs, 1 lb ground pork, 1 bunch celery, 1 boneless chicken breast, 2 pints strawberries, 1 whole chicken (she's tiny), 1 lb uncured bacon, 1 bunch kale, 1 bunch beets, 2 grapefruits, yellow beans, and 2 chicken leg quarters.
The chicken & eggs are from Oaks of Marme Farm just 50 miles NW of Houston in Hempstead & the pork is from Harrison Farms in nearby Beasley, and I tried to vary my veggie vendors, getting a couple of items from different ones, but I only bought items which were marked as "organic" or "sustainable"...not "conventional".
Now, I'm not the biggest chicken fan in the world, but guess what, I didn't see any beef in the market today, so either it's not the season for beef or that farmer slept in or I wasn't looking carefully enough. But the thing about buying local & seasonal, is you buy what's available because what's available is the right thing to eat for that time of year. So chicken, eggs & pork it was for me for my protein choices...there was some goat & lamb, but I passed on those. I meant to buy some beef snack sticks I saw, but I forgot to go back & get them when I was getting my cold stuff...& I'm kicking myself!
I've seen many documentaries...the standards: Food Inc, Food Matters, Hungry for Change, and several more I can't recall at the moment...and they all spoke to me & inspired me. But I watched another one recently that really propelled me...not sure if it was the quality/presentation of the information in the documentary itself or that I watched it at a good point for personal change. It's called Fresh & I admired the stories of the farmers who are doing it right...the ones who are bucking the system to make a change for themselves & the rest of us too. I felt empathy for the other farmers, the ones who are stuck in the system, strangled by the agri-business choke-hold in order to keep their farms & their families going despite knowing it's a losing trap. I decided I wanted to finally be part of the solution, not the problem. I think Whole Foods & grass-fed/pasture raised items in supermarkets are a start, but for me, it's no longer good enough. I feel you've got to get off my ass, stop being lazy & get local!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Hi….My Name is Hashimoto’s, and I’m an Invisible Chronic Illness.
I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, But YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay!
I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a “Normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!
In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out…the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Hashimoto’s.
So there you go...that's where I am today.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
BUT as Christmas has a tendency to do (especially when you give in & agree to do celebrating with family), I got sucked into the lure of Christmas cuisine. Followed by the high/low of a New Year beginning. And quite frankly, I feel like I'm still suffering from all of that almost a month later. I am especially struggling with getting back on the wagon with my food.
This is nothing new with me...I've struggled with food issues even outside of this recent health crisis. It used to be I struggled with food from a weight perspective, but now, with this illness, I struggle with it from a health perspective. You'd think feeling like crap day in/day out would motivate one to avoid foods that hurt them & stay clean with good foods that heal them. But food issues run deeper than rational thinking, they run deeper than feeling poorly everyday, they are basically at the core of who I am...or more specifically who I let myself believe I am. They are deep, they are real, and they will trump everything else if I'm not in a stable place emotionally to wrangle them.