renewal...this year's intention

So I realize it's the beginning of the 3rd month of the year & I've yet to write about my word for 2012. This is a word of intention...the intention I want to set forth for the year ahead. Prior to the year starting, I reflect on this & choose a word/intention. This year it chose me...RENEWAL. Not only do I want it, and actually I just plain ol' need it, but more importantly I can feel it coming.

Renewal in all respects, but namely health, of course because without that, nothing else will follow. But also renewal of my working life. Time to move on from the desk job & into my passion job. And in both respects, the word is already working it's magic in my year. I have decided to focus on this intention word this year rather than creating a magical list of goals, like I've done in years past.

I have begun a new protocol for healing called Nutritional Balancing which involves hair tissue mineral analysis with a diet & supplement protocol to right the deep imbalances in my system causing my adrenal burnout/chronic fatigue/hormonal imbalances. I'm too new into the protocol to know the effects it will have on me, but in following others who have gone down this route, I'm hopeful it will not only help, but heal.

I have also been doing a bit of artwork again as well. I'm working on a piece a friend commissioned as a memorial piece commemorating her father as a gift to give to her mother. It's always a challenge to do memorial pieces & ironically the last 3 I've worked on have been, but also a challenge because my lack of energy greatly affects my creativity. But I have a deadline, so I'm making it happen & am happy I have that motivation to keep it going.

Plus, I have officially launched my dog training business. Now it's a very soft launch at this point...telling friends to tell friends kind of thing...but it's officially out in the world none the less! I already have 1 client, and I will let it ramp up on its own, hoping that my feeling better will coincide with it building. I don't want to rush it 1) because there is still alot I need to learn, and 2) I don't want to overwhelm myself since stress quickly sets me back physically.

So here I am...renewing my ass off! Ok, so maybe not quite that dramatic & believe me, I still have a long way to go (fatigue & a lack of gumption still plague me daily in spite of things going well around me), but it has been fun to see things unfold with just a bit of movement on my part. I'm learning that instead of forcing things, I just need to show up & the rest will come.

xoxo!

the fog is lifting

taken on day 84 of my 365 self portrait challenge

Whew, I finally feel myself coming back [knock on wood]. I was losing hope there for awhile, and with that hope pieces of myself....my spark, creativity, joy, expectations.

But it's bubbling again. The creativity, the desire, the gumption to pursue good things. I almost hesitate to hope even still, fearing it will be like other times when I see a glimmer only to fade back into a dark fog. But for now atleast, I see glints of light again & they shine down into a hope I steadily carry through this CFS maze of unwellness & frustration.

The biggest change I feel is my creative flow coming back...the desire to write again, to make art, to take photographs, and express myself in any way I can. And in trying to decide where to put my energy again, it makes me realize I'm a "slasher"... you know, actor-slash-director or singer-slash-waitress-slash-dancer-slash-teacher. I've spent alot of my 40 years trying to figure out what to be, when the truth of the matter is, from a very young age, I've been a slasher...a dabbler in many things. I don't know if it's because I get bored easily or if I just have so many thoughts & ideas that one avenue isn't enough or if I don't give myself enough credit to go professional with anything [this last one is probably a huge cavernous thing to explore on its own].

Even though there is a certain serenity that comes from accepting myself as a slasher, one thing that is frustrating about it is never fully knowing where to put your energies. I always feel so pulled by different interests. Like a butterfly flitting from one pretty flower to another oh and look at that pretty purple bloom over there. All the flitting makes it hard to really hone any one craft...to get really good at something. Jack of all trades, master of none if you will. But the fact that I still want to do them all after feeling like doing nothing for so many years now, is inspiring enough for me today. And who says I have to be good at any of them, as long as I enjoy the pursuit of each?

Today I'm okay being a slasher...a part-time artist/wanna be writer/taker of random pictures/dog trainer in training/garden dreamer/linguist/teacher/appreciator of all of the above. To be continued...I sure do hope!

xoxo!

Well of course I said I was back, but it's taken me several more months to actually come back here. I'd like to utilize this forum more, but I get distracted & caught up in the fact that there's really no rhyme or reason to this space. But whatever, right? Rhyme schmyme. Reason schmeason.

So instead of focusing on what I haven't been doing, here are a couple of things I have been doing.

Turning 40!

I was so ready to be done with the 30's...not the greatest decade.

I have high hopes for this next one.

And completing my trainer certification!

Apparently I'm official now although I feel I still need some additional hands-on work to really get out there & start making it happen.

And going to Germany!!

My mom & I went back to where it all began & had a great time.

I was born in Aschaffenburg Germany 40 years ago!

Otherwise, I'm actually still trying to get back into the swing of things since the trip (which was back in late June...it takes me awhile, what can I say?) Prior to & during the early parts of Germany, I was feeling pretty good. I was getting to the Park a couple of times a week to exercise (and then not crashing after) & maintaining a fairly brisk pace throughout the trip. But food was nutty on the trip (can you say Nutella & bread everyday for breakfast?) & my energy really started to lag midway through....and honestly, it's continued lagging ever since returning home...i.e. back to the dreaded workworld.

My attitude about this has been less than stellar, I have to admit, yet I'm seeing some light at the end of this dark tunnel. Perhaps a return to Austin is in my more-immediate future than once previously thought...stay tuned for more on that. A bit more waiting is in order, but my intentions have been set & the wheels are in motion. Patience isn't my strongest suit, but I'm mustering as much as I can while I wait it out. It also helps that, in my mind, I'm already planning my going away party! :)

xoxo!