the fog is lifting

taken on day 84 of my 365 self portrait challenge

Whew, I finally feel myself coming back [knock on wood]. I was losing hope there for awhile, and with that hope pieces of myself....my spark, creativity, joy, expectations.

But it's bubbling again. The creativity, the desire, the gumption to pursue good things. I almost hesitate to hope even still, fearing it will be like other times when I see a glimmer only to fade back into a dark fog. But for now atleast, I see glints of light again & they shine down into a hope I steadily carry through this CFS maze of unwellness & frustration.

The biggest change I feel is my creative flow coming back...the desire to write again, to make art, to take photographs, and express myself in any way I can. And in trying to decide where to put my energy again, it makes me realize I'm a "slasher"... you know, actor-slash-director or singer-slash-waitress-slash-dancer-slash-teacher. I've spent alot of my 40 years trying to figure out what to be, when the truth of the matter is, from a very young age, I've been a slasher...a dabbler in many things. I don't know if it's because I get bored easily or if I just have so many thoughts & ideas that one avenue isn't enough or if I don't give myself enough credit to go professional with anything [this last one is probably a huge cavernous thing to explore on its own].

Even though there is a certain serenity that comes from accepting myself as a slasher, one thing that is frustrating about it is never fully knowing where to put your energies. I always feel so pulled by different interests. Like a butterfly flitting from one pretty flower to another oh and look at that pretty purple bloom over there. All the flitting makes it hard to really hone any one craft...to get really good at something. Jack of all trades, master of none if you will. But the fact that I still want to do them all after feeling like doing nothing for so many years now, is inspiring enough for me today. And who says I have to be good at any of them, as long as I enjoy the pursuit of each?

Today I'm okay being a slasher...a part-time artist/wanna be writer/taker of random pictures/dog trainer in training/garden dreamer/linguist/teacher/appreciator of all of the above. To be continued...I sure do hope!

xoxo!

holga in the hizzy

I FINALLY got 3 rolls of film processed from my Holga which I got about a year ago. I have a little bit of experimenting yet to do, but I'm pretty pleased with how the shots turned out--and extra pleased to remember some of the things I shot over the course of a year.

I'll look forward to shooting even more, and hopefully I will get them processed more quickly each time. I have to send them to Precision Camera in Austin (supporting my hometown peeps), and while they have reasonable prices for processing & scanning, it's still a bit of a cost to consider, but such is the way with film. And speaking of looking forward, I'm already thinking about my 2011 goals list...granted 2010 isn't yet complete, but it is trickling away rather quickly. I'm trying to stay present while looking ahead.

Today is the final day of NaNoWriMo & while I didn't hit the 50,000 word mark, I did accumulate 20,000+ words to a novel that I look forward to completing in 2011. Hopefully some time away from it will provide the needed extra inspiration that I'm currently lacking.

Despite having the sniffles, this past weekend I did sit down to make some art. It felt good to get my hands all painty & sticky & my mind churning with visual creativity which is much different than the churning of writing's creativity, so I'll look forward to doing more art making as well in the coming month & into next year.

So onward & upward...was fun to dive into photography alittle more this past year & I'm eager to dive into much more of everything going forward.

xoxo!

baby steps

Along the lines of my last post about "enoughness," I realized this mindset of perfectionism stops me in my tracks far too often. Take photography for example, often times I do not get out to snap pictures because I struggle with "what kind of photos do I want to take?" Do I take the Holga, the Polaroid, or the a digital (which is on me always). Many times I won't stop to take that picture because I don't have "the right" camera on me or because I'm not sure how to get what I want from the camera I do have on me.

Now, I'm not a Photographer with a capital P. I took photography in high school (I learned to roll, process & print my own film), I had some photographer friends in college (who were into groovy "art photography" and who introduced me to the photography of people like Robert Maplethorpe & Sally Mann), and even took a basic photo 101 class to fulfill an art credit here or there (learned rules of composition & very little else due to intimidation). And that was that...until now, until I saw everyday people taking extraordinary photos of common everyday things, during their everyday lives. And I thought--I want to do that. I see things. I want to capture those things. I will do it through a camera.

And then things start to get all complicated (unnecessarily so)...how do I make photos that look like that, cameras--how many different ones will I buy, I must find "cool" things to shoot now, why don't mine look like hers/his...etc. And guess what--the pleasure of simply capturing the everyday started to slowly slip out of it, like the air of post-birthday balloon, the fun factor began deflating.

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE with a capital L the various effects taking photos (especially with film) with various types of cameras can produce. I bought a Holga about a year ago & have been snapping away, yet to get any of the film processed because damn is it complicated & expensive. I have gone a couple of rounds with various Polaroids (a bum SX-70 & a champ of a 600 & a yet tried Sonar). My English BFF even sent me a found Kodak Duaflex from his father's attic, which sits proudly on my shelf. And now an old Minolta 35 mm that a friend gave me of her grandfather's which has probably never been used. But as with most things, the more choices, the harder the decision.

So this is a long way of saying that I decided just to pop out my little snap & shoot digital camera & take it on my evening dog walk. The same dog walk that day-after-day finds me saying "oh, I wish I had my camera" and "oh I HAVE GOT to remember to bring Holga/Pola/Minnie (although this chick is maxie) back to shoot this." I won't say I took THE MOST stellar photos, but I took some damn photos & that is my damn point.

It's about baby steps...about just doing it to do it, not to take the nobel peace prize winning photo (not sure if they even give prizes for that) or the most blogged about photo or the gallery-worthy photo. Just to look at life through the lense and push the button just because. The same will go for my art, my writing, and whatever else I decide I want to put my grubby little hands into & play with. As my health feels like it's improving (fingers crossed, knock on wood, religious chest cross) & I'm actually finding myself creativity capable of doing, this is how I shall roll...one unintentional step at a time.

xoxo!

august break: 8/29

I shall call it: 20,000 Leagues of Washington

found along Washington Ave, Houston, Texas

taken with Polaroid 600

Looking toward the final couple of days of August Break & getting a bit nostalgic already. I haven't kept up with it every-single-day, but having it as a catalyst for taking & posting pics sure has been a nice nudge. Maybe it'll rub off for September!

xoxo!

august break: 8/28

OK, I'm done with my break from the August Break...just in the nick of time given August is almost a done deal. I'm back with some new pics, thanks in part to finding yet another cool Coolidge street graffiti piece in my hood. I don't know who he/she is, but I'm digging these clever street art finds! Seems this person is down with it...makes me want to go out & find more. So far, these are the only 2 I've found.

This one, urban dinosaur, I posted just before the August Break started, so I guess technically I'm making up some August ground here! :)

xoxo!

august break: 8/22

taken in Fort Collins, Colorado

xoxo!

august break: 8/20

metal wall ornament...reminds me of zebras...in my hood, Houston, Texas

I cannot believe it's already August 20th. It's really true what they say, time does seem to go faster the older you get. But it's FRIDAY & that's really all that matters today!

xoxo!

august break: 8/19

a doorway in my hood, Houston, Texas

xoxo!

august break: 8/17

thrift store lanterns, Bastrop, Texas

xoxo!

august break: 8/16

ponytail palm on porch

xoxo!

august break: 8/15

another from my favorite photo-taking location [1520 Center St.], Houston, TX

Still trying to catch up with August Break pics.

xoxo!

august break: 8/14

retro Walgreens drugstore sign, Marble Falls, Texas

Making up for lost time...had an amazingly productive weekend (which means feeling better/energy...woo hoo!)



xoxo!

august break: 8/12

Some quirky decay from 1520 Center St, Houston, TX

xoxo!

august break: 8/11

Some detail shots of my 8/6 post picture for Brenna over at

what is beautiful remains.

I think these fit in nicely with her theme!

xoxo!

august break: 8/6

ramshackle rainbow (1520 center st, houston, tx)

xoxo!

august break: 8/6

flowered patio (beaver's restuarant, houston)

polaroid 600

xoxo!

dear poor neglected blog

I know, I know I've not been around. I see Anonymous has noticed, but otherwise, I doubt anyone's been the wiser. I have been focusing on feeling better (going so so) & being a bit more busy (but not necessarily MY busy). Mostly I guess I've been without alot to say about any of it. There are some things that are brewing for me, but nothing enough to share at the moment...and good lord, I don't want to whine & complain anymore!

BUT I've run across something that might fill in the gap for me--Susannah's "The August Break"...adapted from Darlene's December Views. I'm game. Maybe it'll help me take more pics, plus post here more often.

And who knows, maybe I'll post something between now & August just for giggles.

xoxo!

list #4

UK, TX (along the roadside somewhere outside of Round Top, TX)

Okay, I wouldn't say I've been like super BUSY, but as I was recently feeling sorry for myself about my continued low energy keeping me from doing anything, I realized that I've in fact checked a couple of things off my 2010 goals list...including this, #4!

wise warrior (taken in Bastrop, TX)

I've been trying to get into my Polaroid 680 alittle more. It's not as groovy as an SX-70, but now that I'm learning how to use it a bit better, I'm finding it to be charming in its own right.

I took a trip out to a little town called Round Top--it's about 1/2 way between Houston (my current town) and Austin (my hometown). I can't believe it's taken me THIS long to go out there, but I went twice in a 10 day period! The first time I met a friend I hadn't seen in something like 25 years. I liked it so much (the drive through the country was really calming & inspiring), I decided to do my photo day trip (#4) out there again, taking my time this time to stop & take pictures...and to buy a ridiculously cool book to use for my (currently imaginary) art work.

chandelier (Royer, Round Top, TX)

Mind you, one of the first stops I made was to take a picture was of a groovy old, abandoned bowling alley sign in a town called Sealy. Notice how there is not a picture above of a bowling sign? As I stood there framing my shot, a guy pulls up in his pickup from seemingly nowhere (apparently he had been sitting in said pickup in the shadows around the side of the building) and freaks the crap out of me as he leered out of his window to ask me why I was taking pictures. I didn't feel like going into detail about my penchant for bowling, old signs, or Polaroids, so I just said "cause it's cool." He replied with "it's cool huh?" And then put it in reverse to return to his stalking, er I mean, parking spot.

By why is there is no bowling sign picture? Well I was out of freakin' film when I went to snap the picture just before he interrupted me & I wasn't about to spend any more time there to tear open a pack of film, get it loaded, get back out of my Jeep, and walk over to take the picture.

Oh well...just another excuse to go back out there to get THAT picture! It's gonna really gimme the heebie jeebies is that dude is there again the next time!

xoxo!

off to a good start

Lake Marble Falls, TX (taken 1/1/01 while visiting my grandmother)

Well, 2010 is off to a good start...well except that there's only been 2 days & I've only managed 1 pic a day so far (totally forgot about it yesterday...ooops, not quite in the habit yet). No worries though, I'll get into the swing of it for #16 on my list of 2010 to-do's.

But otherwise, great start, if I do say so myself. I'm starting the Unravelling e-course tomorrow which I'm very much looking forward to (and hoping it'll help get me in the pic-taking habit). And I've also just signed up for a writing course that will begin in Feb and which I'm hoping will help with #'s 5 & 6 on my list. Bring it on!

PLUS...I've got some new art ideas bubbling up to the surface (yay!) & plan to spend today hashing some of those out to see what I can come up with there. Something in a new direction from my usual assemblage boxes, so we'll see how it comes together.

2010, loving you already big guy!

xoxo!

tuesday inspirations

today's AM creativity...inspired by record the day...something I'm going to start doing to give me a jolt of creativity each day...we'll see how it evolves

OK OK...trying to get outta the funk. And to do so, I've come up w/ some recurring goals for myself. The first of which is going to be "tuesday inspirations."

I spend so much time surfing blogs...I mean, it's ridiculous really. No, I don't get paid to read blogs...but c'mon, the reality is I'm getting paid while reading blogs. I mean, shouldn't that be a job in itself? I'm sure it is for someone out there who was clever enough to create that job for him/herself....I'm sure someone at Artful Blogging has that title, for instance.

I have a list of daily blogs I read, well daily. I don't do RSS feeds because honestly I've been too lazy to figure out what those actually are. So instead, I peruse each & every of my designated blogs every.single.day in hopes that something new has been posted (I like the anticipation of waiting for the page to load). My list of "daily blogs" grows & even as much as its grown (I really do need to count the # of them I check regularly), I still go through them way faster than I'd like. Luckily blogs tend to veer off into that rabbit hole of blogland, allowing me to find new & different (& sometimes alike) blogs to fill the other 7 hours of my work day.

So for tuesday inspirations I will chronicle the newer ones I find. Maybe they don't make it to the "daily blog" bookmarked list (or maybe they do), but either way, I find them entertaining or capitvating or inspiring enough to dig passed the first page...if only for a day. I'm also trying to get better at posting comments on the blogs I peep.

Today I'll highlight some photo girls I enjoyed spending time with today:

Hippy Urban Girl

Sticking To The Point

Chookooloonks

My Polaroid Blog

Stay tuned for a couple of other flashes of goal inspiration...maybe like "friday fortunes" and/or "sunday self portraits." Stay tuned...who do I think I'm talking to?! It's just me in here!

xoxo!

PS: I did take my Holga out w/ me while walking the dog & snapped a couple of shots. I've been procrastinating on this & I'm happy to report some baby steps here.