pssst....coming back

a view along the Main River, Aschaffenburg Germany

For those who have visited & inquired about my whereabouts--thank you. I don't know who most of you Anonymous(es) are, but thank you for checking in.

I'm just back from a trip to Germany which has re-invigorated me & inspired me to get back to blogging...even in spite of the potential that "the stalker" may see/follow along. I will be posting pics & thoughts from my trip very soon (with over 1300 pictures to download/upload/detail, it's proving quite the undertaking to get them online in some descriptive way)...as well as thoughts on my upcoming 40th birthday & what I've been up to (or not up to as is probably more accurate) since I last posted in February. Stay tuned--if you dare!

xoxo!

i get it already

A chap called Landon commented on a post the other day: "quit kicking yourself, girl." Now mind you, Landon doesn't know me nor do I know him. Nor does he know how many times in my life I have heard this or something along the lines of this.

Honestly I don't know where this self-berating comes from (notice how closely the words "berating" and "beating" are--just add/remove an "R"). The thing is, 99.9% of the time I don't even know I'm doing it & even have a hard time recognizing it after someone points it out.

It's weird too because I think I'm a great gal. I think I have alot going for me: I'm smart, fairly attractive, talented, hip, funny, loyal, introspective, adventurous, empathetic, good at several things, knowlegable about a few things, interested in even more things, etc, etc. I guess the problem lies that somewhere deep down, perhaps I don't think I'm each of those things enough. That's all I can gather as to why I'm so fucking hard on myself when there really is no reason why I ought to be. I am also equally adept at the back-handed self-compliment or deflector of the external compliment. Someone compliments me on something, say my art, and instead of thank you, I come back with "well, I haven't made any in awhile" as if somehow that's supposed to negate what I have in fact already done...?

What is this about? Why do I cut myself off before I can own the good of me? I could go into a kazzilion & one reasons why this might be, but what's the point in that? Why not just name it & then stop doing it instead? So this is what I shall focus on...naming the good, claiming the successes, and leaving it at that without the backhanded bullshit. Yes indeedy!

xoxo!

the perfect protest

Ugh, perfection...what a load of horseshit, eh? But we buy into it...over & over & over again. It keeps us stuck in that belief rut of not-enough-ness...not ______ enough (fill in the blank with whatever: smart, skinny, pretty, successful, sexy, lovable, funny, hardworking, tough, gentle, serious, silly, tall, curvy, athletic, graceful....blah blah blah, the list is never-ending)!

Enough with the not-enough-ness. Enough with this lie of perfection. Thanks to Brene Brown's call to action with "the perfect protest" and her new book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are maybe we can all learn to relearn what it means to be real. And that is an awesome truth if you ask me.

And you know what else is awesome...I know what I'm buying EVERYONE for Christmas this year! :)

xoxo!

is there a point?

I'm starting to wonder what the point of this here blog is anyway. I haven't been keeping up with it as much as I'd like...partly from not having anything positive to say most days & partly from not having anything particularly creative to share.

I get blasts of inspiration, not just for the blog but life, and then I sorta settle back into my routine of not doing anything about it. It's interesting because even though I do think I'm feeling more steadily energized and a bit more mentally positive, the rut that I've become accustomed to through 2+ years of sustained lethargy is tough to snap out of even now that I feel capable of snapping. I'm sure like anything, it'll take time to re-establish routines, re-nurture a creative schedule, and re-learn what productivity means to me. I'm just so damn impatient.

Anywhoooo, I am enjoying my e-writing class. It's HARD though! But it seems to be satisfying my creative yearnings for the time being, even if it means I'm still not making any new art which means not getting closer to opening an Etsy shop. But all in good time, right? Hmmph, fine!

xoxo!

tuesday inspiration (on Thurs)

yummy coffee pic, by Susannah Conway

You know you read too many blogs each day when you dream about blog people you don't even know....geesh!

Some fun links I've been checking out this week:

Notpaper (a blog about collage)

Hula Seventy (photography & general sillyness)

Postcards from... (photography, poetry)

In other news, there might be something to this no-coffee thing (today is day 4 of the de-coffee-ing process)...it's the final frontier in trying to get my groove back. So far gone are: gluten, dairy, sugar, booze...only thing left is my lovely, delicious AM coffee. Oh how I will miss you dark mistress of morning! Nothing can replace its thick, rich, smooth groove, but I have just found a lovely stand-in...and if all goes well, I will treat myself to an electric kettle to add to the enjoyment.

Kettle or not, it'll be worth it if the preliminary trend continues: Tues night I had a smidge of an inkling of a passing thought about the Park (i.e. exercise) and this is huge people. Then last night I actually broke out some paper and glue and paint & started on some backgrounds...for collage maybe or perhaps they'll end up in an assemblage. Who knows?! Point is, I had the motivation to get it out AND I put on some music & got my boogie going while I did. It's feeling good to feel the rumblings return. To be continued...

xoxo!

tuesday inspirations

today's AM creativity...inspired by record the day...something I'm going to start doing to give me a jolt of creativity each day...we'll see how it evolves

OK OK...trying to get outta the funk. And to do so, I've come up w/ some recurring goals for myself. The first of which is going to be "tuesday inspirations."

I spend so much time surfing blogs...I mean, it's ridiculous really. No, I don't get paid to read blogs...but c'mon, the reality is I'm getting paid while reading blogs. I mean, shouldn't that be a job in itself? I'm sure it is for someone out there who was clever enough to create that job for him/herself....I'm sure someone at Artful Blogging has that title, for instance.

I have a list of daily blogs I read, well daily. I don't do RSS feeds because honestly I've been too lazy to figure out what those actually are. So instead, I peruse each & every of my designated blogs every.single.day in hopes that something new has been posted (I like the anticipation of waiting for the page to load). My list of "daily blogs" grows & even as much as its grown (I really do need to count the # of them I check regularly), I still go through them way faster than I'd like. Luckily blogs tend to veer off into that rabbit hole of blogland, allowing me to find new & different (& sometimes alike) blogs to fill the other 7 hours of my work day.

So for tuesday inspirations I will chronicle the newer ones I find. Maybe they don't make it to the "daily blog" bookmarked list (or maybe they do), but either way, I find them entertaining or capitvating or inspiring enough to dig passed the first page...if only for a day. I'm also trying to get better at posting comments on the blogs I peep.

Today I'll highlight some photo girls I enjoyed spending time with today:

Hippy Urban Girl

Sticking To The Point

Chookooloonks

My Polaroid Blog

Stay tuned for a couple of other flashes of goal inspiration...maybe like "friday fortunes" and/or "sunday self portraits." Stay tuned...who do I think I'm talking to?! It's just me in here!

xoxo!

PS: I did take my Holga out w/ me while walking the dog & snapped a couple of shots. I've been procrastinating on this & I'm happy to report some baby steps here.

alice in blogland

I love finding new blogs whose author's words/ ideas/images/experiences I immediately connect with. And then reading obsessively straight through to the very first post, often times back years. It might take me a couple of days, maybe a full week, but I really enjoy absorbing myself in the interesting ones & then find myself sad when I've reached the beginning & have to wait for new, current posts to come around! There have been times I've started at the beginning, but I prefer to read backwards, seeing how ideas from older posts came to be & fitting the chronology or life event puzzle together, all the while feeling like I know their successes before they do.

I rarely, if ever, reach out or comment (something I am trying to change now that I've started my own). Yet even still, these strangers keep me company in my work cube during the many days I have nothing work-related to do & long to be spending those days absorbed in my passion, earning a living in a way that fulfills me and nourishes my soul...rather than sucking my energy from sheer, mindnumbing boredom.

Soon, hopefully very soon.

Until then, I will continue voyueristically enjoying my blogger finds...inevitably falling down the rabbit hole to another & yet another remarkably talented & interesting soul...stocking up on inspiration, support, imagination and soul nutrients along the way!

Here are some ladies who've capitavated me & kept me company in the cube...and inspired me by their own journeys near & far.

1. Susannah Conway @ inkonmyfingers
   (whom I discovered when I won a photo give-away at the next lady's site)
   
2. Kelly Rae Roberts
   
3. Shanna Germaine @ chapter37 (also of year of the books)
   
4. Holly @ Haus Maus (also of decor8 fame)
   
5. Alessandra de Souza @ gypsygirlsguide

Thanks girls...
xoxo!