Friday, March 26, 2010

austin fever

I've got Austin fever again. In the process of starting Mondo Beyondo, I've been having more visions of a particular house/situation I blogged about last year. The situation is such that my family risks losing this house because 1) they cannot sell it, and 2) my grandmother cannot afford to hang onto it. At the moment, it is still unresolved...but looking likely to have an unnecessarily sad ending. Also, just this week, I was reminded of the future of my current job--a soon-to-be open-floorplan-layout which means no privacy or boredom security (i.e. 9-5 internet surfing).

The thing is, it's not so much the house I's a bigger house than I need & I'm not too keen on the responsibility of owning/maintaining a house, especially all by myself. It's out a little ways, so I'd be a teeny bit isolated. And while the price I could pay to save it is a ridiculously low amount for what I'll be getting, I still don't personally have that kind of money just lying around & I'm concerned whether I could afford it on an Austin salary, because I'd have to take a huge cut in pay to move there & that's assuming I could even find a job there to begin with.

BUT it represents something that rings true for me on a less practical level...when I evision it & quiet the nay-saying-gremlins, I am reminded of a secret little dream I allowed myself to dream just before I half-heartedly left Austin to move to Houston. Funnily, I do have some reservations about leaving Houston, but really, there is absolutely nothing holding me here.

The dream involves living simply, closer to nature, with room & time & space to create a nurturing and artistic environment for myself. And with the inclusion of a pre-built workshop next to the house, a space to create a nurturing and artistic environment for others as well. I don't know how to explain it...if I think about it purely (again without the doubting thoughts), it just feels right to me on almost every feels like home for my heart.

Surely because of that, I can come up with the money somehow, as well as the gameplan to make it work too! Yet I'm uncertain & unsure...but as I'm learning in Mondo Beyondo this week, baby steps are all that's necessary & the rest will unfold as it should, if it should.


Friday, March 19, 2010

an unlikely MUSE

Went to see Muse last night at The Toyota Center & man was it BRILLIANT! Now they know how to put on a rock show, I have to say. If you enjoy their music even a smidge, seeing them live will make you fall in love, I promise. Part Radiohead, part Queen, pure energy...between the music, the performance, the visuals and the light show, it was totally & completely spectacular from beginning to 2nd encore end!!!

But even more than the music itself, I found myself flooded with creative inspiration All. Night. Long. I wished I had stuck a note pad in my teeny "going out" purse, so I could dorkily scribble down the endless waves of ideas that kept zooming through my brain. I captured only one on my phone via a text to myself, but hopefully the rest are still in swimming around my noggin & will re-appear as I need them.

I got in late & this "old lady" doesn't do late very often, but it was SO worth it. It'll make for a long day in the cube, but it's Friday, so I promise I won't complain (too much)! I'm looking forward to creating some art this weekend...maybe even with some of this newfound inspiration.

PS: this also means I can tick off 1 from #14 of my 2010 To-Do's list.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

my alter ego

Been thinking lots about my alter ego lately...I helped define her in pictures a month or so back. Now that I'm doing some Mondo Beyondo work this month, she's revisiting me again in my dreams. She's inspring me to get creative again. She's preparing me to be open to love again. She's encouraging me to get real, and quiet, and strong.

I'm glad I defined her & that she's a part of me whether I always trust in her or not because she always trusts in me.


Saturday, March 13, 2010

experimental art

Really looking forward to taking this next e-course. I know, I'm totally on a roll w/ the e-course thing this year. First Unravelling for self-discovery/connection. Then Sexy on the Page for writing. Currently Mondo Beyondo for dream catching. And up next, Experimental Art! Really looking forward to it helping me get my artistic mojo back up & running. I've been feeling it simmering, wanting to bubble up again, so I hoping this will be the heat that turns the burner up enough to let it boil out & over!

All this learning & exploring & reflecting is good...sometimes overwhelming & hard to keep up, but good all the same! I highly recommend it.


Friday, March 12, 2010

boys are stoopid...dogs are better!

pillow tower
Originally uploaded by k.tucker artworks

So as I mentioned in my last post, I took a turn at re-entering the dating world. Thought all was good, was in a bit of a happy dating haze (daring to feel hopeful), and then boom...nothing from the guy, not a peep, nothing, nada!

It reminded me why I've been holding off dating for the last 2+ years...boys are just stupid! :) Okay, maybe not entirely, but they are freakin' frustrating & maddening, and so I think I'm just going to stick to hanging with my dog for awhile...continuing with my writing, returning to art, planning a future without factoring a man in.

Plus I mean, how friggin' cute is she on her pillow tower?!?


Friday, March 5, 2010

all signs point to....

lighting the way
Originally uploaded by k.tucker artworks
Things have been going surprisingly well lately in my world. And it's all because I'm feeling MUCH better since starting the new med (which I hate saying I'm taking a medication, but whatever, I'm happy with the results & it's giving me my life back).

And that is exactly the thing...I'm getting my life back people! So I don't laze around the house, wanting to do things but not having the energy/mental motivation to do them, I'm actually doing & planning & enjoying! Everything from housework to errands to yardwork to socializing is appealing yet again & I'm kicking some serious ass in the process. I even went for a powerwalk workout at Memorial Park last Sunday...and am psyched to return to a regular exercise routine.

It didn't kick in soon enough to make more of an effort at Unravelling which is unfortunate, but luckily the ladies are still kicking around Flickr, so hopefully they will motivate me to keep taking pictures of myself & my world (pic above is for our "light" challenge). But it did kick in just in time for my writing class which has been going pretty good. I definitely need the weekly assignments & deadlines to keep me on track & am alittle sad that after this weekend, I'll be heading into my final week of class there. But I will just have to self-motivate myself to continue on with the routine of writing...improving...and then submitting things for publication (gasp!).

Because I've been focusing my extra time on the writing, I haven't been doing much (i.e. any) art, BUT I feel the juices flowing and have finally gotten my art area ready to dive back in. I have a new inspiration from an unlikely source...I was looking at some Austrailian souveniers someone had (small adorned boomerangs etc) & at first glance I was like "ehh, kinda hokey" but upon really looking at them & then researching Aboriginal artwork, I'm now soooo fascinated and inspired, especially by the more contemporary stuff.

And then of course there's the news of opening myself back up to dating. I'm putting myself out there & looking forward to the opportunity to meet & spend time with new people (of the male variety) which I've been fortunate enough to have been able to do already. That alone has me spinning a bit in la-la land at the moment, yet staying grounded & present & in the moment which is a refreshing change (for me). Part of me is sad to let go of something I was holding onto for a very long time, but a bigger part of me knows that it's better for me to make room for ME and let fate take my hand to things even beyond my projection.

It just feels good. All of it. I think I can safely say that I'm back & I want to stay here forever! I hope to hold onto this gratitude, knowing what the other side is like...having truly experienced what it's like not to live & to watch life pass you by like those film clips where you're standing still & everything around you is sped up.

It probably sounds like I'm all cool & collected & lackadaisical about this after droning on & on about how horrible & miserable it's all been for me the last 2 years. Funny thing is, I'm finding I'm having to sort of relearn things in a weird way--like what to do with myself when I have energy or how to embrace high-fiving myself without waiting for the other shoe to drop. Truth be told, I'm f*cking bouncing off the ceilings, skipping thru the halls, kartwheeling across the yard, and farting rainbows (as my English BFF says), so yeah, life is good, life is going, life is back!!!