the fog is lifting

taken on day 84 of my 365 self portrait challenge

Whew, I finally feel myself coming back [knock on wood]. I was losing hope there for awhile, and with that hope pieces of myself....my spark, creativity, joy, expectations.

But it's bubbling again. The creativity, the desire, the gumption to pursue good things. I almost hesitate to hope even still, fearing it will be like other times when I see a glimmer only to fade back into a dark fog. But for now atleast, I see glints of light again & they shine down into a hope I steadily carry through this CFS maze of unwellness & frustration.

The biggest change I feel is my creative flow coming back...the desire to write again, to make art, to take photographs, and express myself in any way I can. And in trying to decide where to put my energy again, it makes me realize I'm a "slasher"... you know, actor-slash-director or singer-slash-waitress-slash-dancer-slash-teacher. I've spent alot of my 40 years trying to figure out what to be, when the truth of the matter is, from a very young age, I've been a slasher...a dabbler in many things. I don't know if it's because I get bored easily or if I just have so many thoughts & ideas that one avenue isn't enough or if I don't give myself enough credit to go professional with anything [this last one is probably a huge cavernous thing to explore on its own].

Even though there is a certain serenity that comes from accepting myself as a slasher, one thing that is frustrating about it is never fully knowing where to put your energies. I always feel so pulled by different interests. Like a butterfly flitting from one pretty flower to another oh and look at that pretty purple bloom over there. All the flitting makes it hard to really hone any one craft...to get really good at something. Jack of all trades, master of none if you will. But the fact that I still want to do them all after feeling like doing nothing for so many years now, is inspiring enough for me today. And who says I have to be good at any of them, as long as I enjoy the pursuit of each?

Today I'm okay being a slasher...a part-time artist/wanna be writer/taker of random pictures/dog trainer in training/garden dreamer/linguist/teacher/appreciator of all of the above. To be continued...I sure do hope!

xoxo!

mom is where the heart is

mom is where the heart is

A new piece, made for a friend's 40th birthday in remembrance of her mother, using old silverware she passed down. This is the first piece I've completed since my show in Nov '09...and hopefully will not be the last in 2011.

I've had a hankering for more collage-y type things, so we'll see.

xoxo!

making messes

This is the cluttered area I call my art studio. I've been in it alot more lately. I promise, somewhere in there, art is being made! :) It feels good. Will post pics as I complete things.

xoxo!

holga in the hizzy

I FINALLY got 3 rolls of film processed from my Holga which I got about a year ago. I have a little bit of experimenting yet to do, but I'm pretty pleased with how the shots turned out--and extra pleased to remember some of the things I shot over the course of a year.

I'll look forward to shooting even more, and hopefully I will get them processed more quickly each time. I have to send them to Precision Camera in Austin (supporting my hometown peeps), and while they have reasonable prices for processing & scanning, it's still a bit of a cost to consider, but such is the way with film. And speaking of looking forward, I'm already thinking about my 2011 goals list...granted 2010 isn't yet complete, but it is trickling away rather quickly. I'm trying to stay present while looking ahead.

Today is the final day of NaNoWriMo & while I didn't hit the 50,000 word mark, I did accumulate 20,000+ words to a novel that I look forward to completing in 2011. Hopefully some time away from it will provide the needed extra inspiration that I'm currently lacking.

Despite having the sniffles, this past weekend I did sit down to make some art. It felt good to get my hands all painty & sticky & my mind churning with visual creativity which is much different than the churning of writing's creativity, so I'll look forward to doing more art making as well in the coming month & into next year.

So onward & upward...was fun to dive into photography alittle more this past year & I'm eager to dive into much more of everything going forward.

xoxo!

nothingness

I'm not sure why I'm keeping this blog anymore...I'm not often inspired to write here very often, I don't feel I have much to say (aside from complaining about health stuff & the lack of creativity that ensues).

And speaking of that lack of creativity...I feel the desire to do so (both art & writing..and even photography), but I just am not doing any of it. Again I can blame it on the health woes (just feeling blah, no energy--not so sure the thyroid treatment itself is doing the trick) or on my studies for the dog training, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm just not creating...even when I do have time. And it's pissing me off...and frustrating me...and getting me a bit down lately.

That is all...

xoxo!

ooops, I did it again

Signed up for another e-course...my extreme e-coursing 2010 continues.



Should be good though...get the creative juices flowing & whatnot...and it's for 12 whole weeks (gulp!). And shoot, I guess it will suffice as #8 on the list!

xoxo!

finding my way

an original UK Kodak Duaflex sent to me by my

British BFF after finding in his parent's attic!

I feel I've gone abit astray with this blog....or lack of interaction with it...lately.

I've been focusing on feeling better, I suppose, which seems to be at the center of my creative journey at present, but it's not all that creative, I'm afraid to say.

I did visit a new doctor/clinic about a week+ back & have started a new protocol that I am very hopeful will slowly start to get me back to right again. I've seen some positive results so far, in just a week's time; however, I know it won't be a quick fix & hope in the next 1-3 months I will consider myself closer to 100%. Perhaps I'll write alittle more indepth about it as I embark on it further.

gorgeous weathered bench at Royer's in Round Top, TX

That said, even in this first week, I've already spent time on both weekends dipping back into artwork, which feels nice. But also frustrating! The ideas/inspiration are hiding from me, so all I've managed to accomplish thus far are the basics of preparing some boxes--gessoing my little heart out in hopes that as inspiration strikes, I will have "canvases" ready to go! Today will be a bit of re-org to get things alittle more creation-friendly. Although I'm sure as most artists will recognize, keeping a studio "clean" is an impossible endeavor.


I am currently taking Kelly Rae Robert's e-course, but I have to admit that as with many of my other e-course endeavors, I am not very "connected" to it. I am, however, printing out as I go along so that I will have it as a constant resource to consult offline and even after it's complete. I would like to sign up for Claudine Hellmuth's 12 week creative course as well, but I'm a bit gun shy given the disappointment (in myself) of the last several I've taken. It's calling to me, but they all do in the beginning. Yet, I suppose I've taken something away from each of them, even if not one in particular changed my life, so to speak.

xoxo!

missing in action

photo found here

Well missing, but not much action. I've been staying a bit under the radar recently. Mostly due to my usual "blah's" & mostly due to not much to say...although I do have pics & a recap of my annual Mother's Day weekend get-away with mom that I'd like to document & share here, but that requires coordination of text & photos, something that is beyond my capabilities at the moment (apparently).

I've been neglecting my art e-course assignments. I've not been creating any of my own art (although I did find out the same people that did my art show last year are doing another this November they want to includ me in). I've been a bit more social lately, which is good on many levels. And I'm re-committing to efforts to feel better. I've been off the meds for almost a month & can really tell a difference in starting to slip back to not feeling so great, so I've got an appointment with the Doc on Monday to see what we can do (meds again or something else?!) , plus I'm embarking on The UltraSimple Diet to help sorta detox & get me on track (taking all my stats for that [weight + measurements] was deflating, but motivating). So the frustrating hamster wheel of a search to get better continues...frustratingly so!

But I'm trying not to let it get me down...or atleast keep me down.

I did make it to the park on Monday for my power walk & made a new friend who I have a walking date with on Friday. We kept challenging each other the majority of the walk (she first past me up & my "oh no you didn't" caused me to charge ahead & pass her up & on & on...it was actually rather funny to see us at it--in the end, we decided we were good for each other & perhaps will have a regular schedule of walking together).

xoxo!

experimenting

This week I've been devling into my experimental art e-course & it's been a bit of a frustrating start. Not because of the class, but because of my own inner gremlins. While I've made art & even sold my art, I still don't fancy myself an artist. The voices that long-ago got implanted in my head still live in there, buried underneath some cobwebs of self-doubt & not-good-enoughness.

This week has allowed me to push the cobwebs away, bit by bit, and let me build some things back up...slowly, very slowly. I'm intimidated by some of the students' works even in this initial stage of the game, but it's not a contest...this class is for me. It's for me to get my creative mojo back. It's for me to push my creative boundaries. It's for me to develop a deeper creative path. And ultimately for me to produce more creative artwork.

Doodle, doodle...splat, splat.

xoxo!

seeing seductive sights

It's interesting how certain things speak to you differently at different times. Whether it be visual art or songs or car styles, colors, food types, men, weather. I mean anything really can strike you one way one day & another way another day depending on mood, experience, or whatever.


I'm finding that to be true of Teesha Moore's work lately, specifically her current journal pages. I've known about her for a couple+ years now, and while I always thought it was cool & clever and her style has definitely evolved over those years, it is currently speaking to me in a really LOUD and deep and personal way all of a sudden.

Like I want to crawl into each & every journal page & wander through the words & whirls & whims, climb over the images & perch myself between the patches of patterned paper.

(random sidenote: have I mentioned how much I freakin' LOVE alliteration?)

I'm not sure what it is--I think part of my recent creativity slump is me wanting to branch out from my standard assemblage a bit, but not entirely sure in what direction or how far I want to venture. But what I do know is that lately I have been mesmerized by Teesha Moore's work...I wish I could see them in real life (i.e. not just thru a computer screen). I'm so glad I decided to revisit her work after browsing by it too fast over the years.

xoxo!

outta the funk

pink port-o-potties Austin, Texas 2008

OK...s-l-o-w-l-y emerging from the funk & feeling a bit more hopeful, so thought I'd do a happier post (although that might cause it to be brief). :)

I have to say, I have a couple of exciting things I'm patiently waiting on. One of which is my custom art piece by Claudine Helmuth. I'm getting one for my mom for Mother's Day--I know it will be adorable & I cannot wait to see what Claudine comes up with! My mom is going to get a HUGE kick out of it, I just know it.

Also, gathering my supplies for the Experimental Art e-course Amelia is offering starting April 19...really hoping this helps kickstart my creative mojo. I've been dabbling w/ some collage work...and when I say dabbling, I mean minimal attempts (but somehow it still made a HUGE mess on yet another non-studio table top). Why is it that artwork has a way of spreading throughout the house regardless of having a dedicated work area?! I'm really enjoying going through the Not Paper blog over & over, re-reviewing collage artists Aprile has featured there.

Ohhhh and I keep forgetting to post pics of my art purchases from the Bayou City Art Festival back in March. Well, I don't keep forgetting to post them--I've been delayed in displaying them so that I can snap pics of them to post!

love the look of mixed fabric sofas--these courtesy of my FAVE interior mag, Living, etc.

And speaking of delays in posting pictures, I am in the process of getting covers made for my couch cushions. I finally found some yummy fabric (I hope it works out when all is said & done), but I cannot for the life of me find a pic of the pattern online to share with you here, so I will have to wait til I get the covers back from a friend who's doing the sewing for me to show the before/afters of the couch! I'm really inspired by the look in the pics above...and would love to do a quilted patchwork look like the one to the left, but it'll look alittle more like the 2nd & 3rd.

So see, I guess there are some good things going on & good things coming up that I could be focusing on...it's just that today's the first day in many days I can see the good. So YAY for that!!!

xoxo!

an unlikely MUSE

photographer: danny north

Went to see Muse last night at The Toyota Center & man was it BRILLIANT! Now they know how to put on a rock show, I have to say. If you enjoy their music even a smidge, seeing them live will make you fall in love, I promise. Part Radiohead, part Queen, pure energy...between the music, the performance, the visuals and the light show, it was totally & completely spectacular from beginning to 2nd encore end!!!

But even more than the music itself, I found myself flooded with creative inspiration All. Night. Long. I wished I had stuck a note pad in my teeny "going out" purse, so I could dorkily scribble down the endless waves of ideas that kept zooming through my brain. I captured only one on my phone via a text to myself, but hopefully the rest are still in swimming around my noggin & will re-appear as I need them.

I got in late & this "old lady" doesn't do late very often, but it was SO worth it. It'll make for a long day in the cube, but it's Friday, so I promise I won't complain (too much)! I'm looking forward to creating some art this weekend...maybe even with some of this newfound inspiration.

PS: this also means I can tick off 1 from #14 of my 2010 To-Do's list.

xoxo!

experimental art

Really looking forward to taking this next e-course. I know, I'm totally on a roll w/ the e-course thing this year. First Unravelling for self-discovery/connection. Then Sexy on the Page for writing. Currently Mondo Beyondo for dream catching. And up next, Experimental Art! Really looking forward to it helping me get my artistic mojo back up & running. I've been feeling it simmering, wanting to bubble up again, so I hoping this will be the heat that turns the burner up enough to let it boil out & over!

All this learning & exploring & reflecting is good...sometimes overwhelming & hard to keep up, but good all the same! I highly recommend it.

xoxo!