gimme structure

Structure is what I need. I've been sort of aimlessly dabbling in my creativity since starting this blog, with nothing all that concrete to show for it....story of my creative life thus far. Don't get me wrong, I have some things I've created that I'm proud of, and a couple things I'm working on that I'm excited about finishing, but nothing is done & I'm not producing like I'd like to...not in a way that's eventually going to get me published or exhibited or even a solid inventory for Etsy.

I think what's lacking is discipline, deadlines, structure...it's all too "out there, somewhere, in the future" still. I had a friend inquire when he could read a short piece I've been "working on" for ages now & I realized it wasn't anymore closer to being finished (or finessed) than many months ago when he'd last brought it up. Recently, I also had another friend over lunch offer to be a "technical consultant" of sorts & offer tidbits as needed on my writing. Both of these got me feeling both inspired and anxious, but more importantly, it got me thinking that having someone waiting to read (or see) my work helps put the pressure on...makes me accountable. For instance, 2 friends' birthdays are coming up which means 2 art pieces I started as gifts need to get completed...one by next weekend, one by month's end. While it's both frustrating and motivating to have hard stops lurking, it just seems to be the way I work best. I'd like to say that I could instigate a sense of self-motivation...that I should want it enough to rise to the occassion of completing something or even just working on something for the sheer personal satisfaction of getting it done. Alas, that just does not seem to be how I'm wired to function. But there's nothing like a deadline looming or having someone egging you on to light the fire under the ass of procrastination.

So even though neither of these friends are "writers" and even though neither of them will likely be editors or critics, just having them waiting seems to be enough for now to force me to get busy. And because there might not always someone volunteering to read my work or birthdays to make gifts for (plus I'd actually like to start having real editors read my writing & have art pieces to show & sell instead of everything being given away or as reading material for horny friends), I do need to start doing it for myself...and I'm hoping setting some imaginary deadlines will give me the faux internal motivation to produce something regularly.

So to start, I've set a deadline with one of the above mentioned reader friends to have a more final draft of this elusive many-months-come-and-gone story ready to read this Sunday. It's already helped me putter around with it a bit yesterday & this morning & will give me a reason to sit & buckle down to work on it this weekend! Let's see how it works out....fingers crossed.

xoxo.