visibility

me trying to be more visible

It's funny because my intention word for 2010 is VISIBILITY, yet since the beginning of the year, I have been a bit invisible on this blog. In my own (partial) defense--I have not been feeling great since getting back to work after the holidays & I've been Unravelling which has taken up some of my online time.

But back to my word: I chose visibility for two reasons: 1) to be seen, and 2) to see clearly.

The truth is, I have been hiding out in a sense for the last couple of years with not feeling well, going through some stuff, etc, etc. But it's gotten lonely & as much as I feel people around me don't understand & I get sick of explaining or excusing myself to them, I know I need people in my life. And more than that, I want a partner in my life.

Along those lines, I want to be more visible to find a partner. I want to get rid of the residual hesitation and unsurity and questions & be open to the right person coming into me life. But he can't find me if he can't see me!

I also want to be seen for who I truly am, not for the facades I put on because of some of the roles I've chosen to play like "office worker" "paralegal" "troubled/sad/lonely girl". That's not to say I don't show people the real me, I do, but more often than not, I'm presenting a part of myself that I don't want to be a part of anymore, so it feels unreal & inauthentic.

The same goes for my art--I have to put it out there to get seen. And doing this will help me with presenting a truer me to the world.

In addition to being seen, I want to see clearly--I want to be able to trust my intuition/inner voice, see the signs of life beckoning me deeper in, hear the directions and answers to the questions and concerns I have about what to do, where to go, how to do it. I want to stop second-guessing myself & staying paralyzed because I can't see which way to jump. This goes for everything: finding a partner (and not making the same mistakes I have in the past), career change (and not making the same mistakes I have in the past), and overall life decisions in general (trying more, being less afraid, leaping without worrying).

So after being invisible here for a few days (so much that "anonymous" commented just to check in on me--thank you for caring btw), I am hoping to put my visibility to action on this blog...and let the rest be seen in its due time!

xoxo!