Tuesday, December 14, 2010

quiet time

I've been quiet here, partly because I don't have alot to share & I partly because I'm in head-mode. Tis the time of year when I reflect & project. I'm dreaming up my Goals 2011 list--things I would like to accomplish or attempt over the course of the year. As such, I'm not attempting or accomplishing too much at the moment.

Also, I have started to have a backslide into low-energy again, which makes doing things or wanting to do things less appealing. I'm not sure what the deal is other than I was taking some additional supplements a couple of months back which ran out several weeks ago & maybe they were the culprits that had me feeling so much better here recently. Also my food choices have been shitty over the last couple of weeks too, so I'm sure that's not helping. I guess just as well on timing for lying low & projecting forward. Just hope I can get back on an upswing so I have the energy to follow through on my projections.

Another thing I've been feeling coming over me is a familiar paralysis as I near a transition in my dog training studies. I have 1 more book section to complete & then I will start on the hands-on portions. First will be my shelter volunteer work & then my mentor work & then my final certification. Creeping up is that old familiar feeling of "uh oh...now comes the real test...will I have what it takes...what if I don't..what if I can't make it work...what if I'm a shitty trainer...what if I can't find clients...what if I FAIL" fear that makes me want to abandon things before I have a chance to fail (or succeed) and instead go off in search of something else to attempt (insert art, writing, photography, etc, etc, infinity). It's a bad habit & a real concern...must nip it in the bud & make friends with the fears in order to push through anyway.

So that's kinda where I am...neither here nor there, I guess.



  1. Don't give up hope at all. You know that even admitting some of one's problems is the main step in conquering them. Do what you want, make what you want to happen happen, and fuck the rest.

  2. it's a tricky one that fear of failure thing

    sorry i don't have any answers for you, though i suspect you will find your own answers in time


  3. I think once you'll be in that shelter, you'll be ok. Being a dog trainer, in my opinion, is a bit like being a teacher. It's not an easy task, as you have a lot of people to please and you have high expectations of your pupils, hence of yourself. You'll stress, you'll think you're rubbish, but the dogs will give you tenderness and they're so playful! You could visualise all those happy moments instead of the challenging ones you're anticipating. Like selective memory, you can choose to have a selective daydream about that future. :-) you're so courageous already for doing it. x

  4. Thanks Natalie...yes, I should definitely focus on the positive moments that lie ahead. Because while it's sad to see so many innocent dogs having bad things done, my job there is to help them become more keepable through better behavior, so they can find their forever homes.