Tuesday, October 27, 2009


my new Holga & first glasses, by me

The above pic has nothing to do with today's post (not like all the pictures ever do anyway), but it just so happened I got my new Holga (even though I said earlier I had a crush on her) & my first-ever specs on the same day this week.

What's really on my mind is momentum--or lack thereof at the moment. I've been preparing for my first art show coming up this Sunday (today is Tuesday eve) & I still have some last-minute finishing touches to put on 2 pieces. I'm having a REALLY hard time using my time towards finishing them. Over the last month, since I found out about this show, I've been busting my butt to finalize many pieces that have sat stagnant for the better part of this past year, so they'll be ready for the show. I have made some brand new ones in that time as well. But I'm feeling tapped out, I guess...just before the finish line.

This happened to me during college too. My very last semester of my senior year, I was so sick & tired of writing, but during those final months before graduation, I had one more written piece due every day it seemed. I mean there's alot of writing in college, but getting my degree IN writing, meant that was just about all I did that last year. I was so burnt out on writing, that I acutally started turning in pieces about how sick I was of writing. By the time graduation came & I got a 9-5 paying job behind a desk in an office building, I told everyone who would listen that if I never had to write creatively again, I'd be fine. (I didn't dare consider market studies and sales proposals creative). Yet today, I wish I hadn't let so much time go by without making an effort to write. The muscles feel like they've atrophied on me because I've lost touch with so much of what I cultivated during those grueling final years in my writing program.

I'm feeling bits of all that stirring now with my art work. And I don't want to feel that way, but it's the truth (at this very moment anyway). With this being my first art show & me still being relatively new to creating this type of art (barely 2 yrs now), I don't know if this is "normal" to want to pack away the paints and found objects because I'm actually rather sick of looking at all the clutter. Just like I don't know if, for writers, it's similar when they've finished that novel or published that collection of short stories and cannot get far enough away from the laptop or writing notebook or sentence structure.

Do all creatives go through this "if I never have to do this again..." feeling or is it just me trying to convince myself to give up on something else just when I get my momentum going?! I still get new ideas that gnaw at me--for both art concepts & writing pieces. I still got really energiezed when a new piece started to magically unfold in the midst of finalizing all the other half-finished ones. I still get excited to think about taking an erotic writing course at the first of the year. Maybe I just need balance--time for art with writing with photography and with rambling walks and new recipes and friends and whatever else gives me some distance from those callings that I do enjoy but that can be a bit all-consuming if not peppered with breaks and time to get reinspired.

Baby steps...I'm getting it.


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