Monday, July 5, 2010

compost does shit!

compost bin, #13 off the list

Man oh man, I've been MIA & scattered & sporadic & unfocused & down & up &...well, just not here! I feel like I've got alot to write about, yet nothing to say. I guess you could say I feel a bit lost to myself right now.

The biggest update, I suppose is that about 2.5 weeks ago (June 18th to be exact), I went to a new doctor/clinic in hopes of finding help with my continued flailing health. Based on my laundry list of symptoms + physical exam, they started me on some hormones (thyroid, progesterone, cortisol, etc) plus a super-strict anti-yeast diet with medication for that. The blood tests I received about 10 days later confirmed that I am having thyroid problems (autoimmune thyroiditis), plus adrenal fatigue, plus super low vitamin D, plus high levels showing internal inflammation. Blah, blah, blah...basically I finally have some actual "proof" that something's wrong which is a HUGE start.

After about 2 weeks, I am starting to notice some improvements in energy, mood, & motivation. Not like 100% improvements, but moves in the right direction. [I don't want to jinx myself here, and it's not a quick-fix & will take about 3 months to right me, if it is the proper treatment.] In fact, just this weekend I did the following all in one day: art, errands, exercise (hooping), cooking, misc household chores, and phone talking! Plus I did it all with a bit of a twinkle in my eye. This might be a normal day for most, but it was MUCH different than the ones I'm used to lately. But that was one day...and while I'm's been a bit different.

I don't know if it's just that I don't know what to do with myself with a sustained level of energy or if it's hard breaking out of the old pattern of slothfulness or what, but I fizzled out today & slugged around most of the day instead of keeping the momentum going with art & things I've been craving & dreaming of doing for months.

It probably didn't help that I felt a bit down today...lonely is really more the word I should be using. There, I said it, I'm Lonely! I've become so isolated from not feeling like doing anything & the fact that I haven't had a real partner in 3 years is frustrating, as is the fact that the partner I last had is still lingering in a long distance way in my life, yet he's not even fully present from his distant perch. All in all, I just feel lonelier than I ever have...friends are few between (and far flung), dating is non-existent, and me alone at home is becoming very tiresome & monotonous.

Monotonous is a good word too...I don't feel inspired yet. Not with my art. Not with my writing. Not with my career change. Not with dating. Not with anything really (well, the hooping is definitely helping & I'm coming along even in just a couple short days). So I'm just hoping those other things (the inspiration & motivation & oomph) will start to catch up to the energy as it continues (hopefully) to grace me with its presence more & more.

I could go on & on with whining about how I'm not doing this or not accomplishing that, but I won't....I'll leave it on a positive note of everything catching up in due time. Because the truth is, I'm feeling a hell of a lot more hopeful about it than I was even just 3 weeks ago!



  1. Hi Katherine,

    Sorry to hear about your health stuff. That's rotten.

    As far as inspiration goes, may I rec a book? 'Finding your north star' by Martha Beck is wonderful - at least, I found it wonderful when I was in a similarly non-inspired, floundering kind of place!

    Hope you're feeling better soon.

    All the best,


  2. Oh hello Katherine! I think we met on the Unravelling Winter course. Lovely to see you here but I'm sorry to hear you've been poorly. You must've been feeling dreadful!
    If it's any consolation, I've been diagnosed recently with candida and so I'm on a wheat-free, sugar-free, yeast-free thing. Hang in there- I hope your energies continue to rise!
    By the way I've been doing some yoga (have you heard of Marianne Elliott's 30 days of yoga course?) and it has really helped in many, many ways.

  3. Glad to see an upbeat post. Keep your head up and keep pugging away--your list is progressing, and that's an accomplishment in and of itself!

  4. You still out there?.......

  5. I'm still out there, but not in here Anon. Thanks for keeping me accountable, whoever you are! :)