Thursday, December 10, 2009

doing your dream

write out loud, assemblage by me

I've been talking alot about dreams lately...and not the in-your-sleep, what-the-hell-was-that-about kind, but rather the wide-awake-in-your-authentic-self kind. I guess it's because not only am I actively attempting to tap into the power of intention--putting in out there so that it manifests for you--but also trying to wrap myself around what exactly it is that I want to be/do with my life.

I've been feeling a growing sense of it all passing me by lately. I don't know if it's from my CFS making me feel so damn useless or the fact that I'm creeping ever so close to 40 or the fact that I've chosen not to have children. But I'm restless...and searching for whatever it is that will settle this feeling of not living up to my potential.

There are certain things that I secretly wish I could be/do, but that I not-so-secretly know I won't likely invest in making them happen. Like becoming a professional dancer (ballroom would be awesome, but just being able to move beautifully in any capacity would be great). Or speaking mulitple languages fluently (French, German, Spanish would be enough). Or chucking it all to be a do-gooder in foreign lands.

But beyond the list of truly (for me) pie in the sky pretend wants, there are a whole slew of could-be-possible-if-I-could-just-figure-IT-outs. And by IT I mean the one (1) (singular) thing that is doable, and that I'm in love with enough to bust my ass at it, and that can earn me a living all at the same time. And I'm okay if it's not 1, singular thing...maybe it's a tightly knit combination of 2-3 things...but I want it to an obvious grouping, not baker/furniture maker/artist/dog trainer/writer.

And dammit, I'm going to keep rambling about it til I figure it out.


1 comment:

  1. i'm not far behind you on the way to 40 and i've not figured it out either. i keep wondering if perhaps all i need to be doing is living the question...