Wednesday, December 16, 2009

i'm not mistaken

me at Caernarfon Castle, 2009

I read this line today from writer Ann Lamott:
You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren't. You take the action, the insight follows: you don't think your way into becoming yourself.

I've made some mistakes in my life...oh boy, have I. But who hasn't, right? And for some reason I have chosen to berate myself about yet another bad choice made rather than seeing it as "okay, I can check that off the list."

Often I have cursed my decision to move to Houston from Austin 8 years ago...I have blamed alot on that "mistake." But the truth is, yes some not great things have transpired here & I suffered one of the greatest betrayls/heartbreaks of my life followed by a few others & one disappointing abandonment and some other shitty little happenings. BUT also alot of really great things have happened that wouldn't have otherwise.

I wouldn't have had the need to learn to travel alone (thus never going to St. Thomas and DC and Costa Rica and UK to finally meet my penpal of 20 yrs) or been forced to find an outlet for my abundance of alone time, which means I probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to be mentored, hands-on, in metal work & most likely wouldn't have subsequently found my art, had an art show and connected with some great artists online. I wouldn't have met some of the wonderful souls who've made living in Houston doble......and I could go on & on. But the point is, had I not made the "mistake" of moving to Houston, I don't know what experiences I would have missed out on.

So the truth is, I learn more about myself when I try something, anything than when I sit back wondering (i.e. overanalyzing) what I should/shouldn't try next.

Must keep remembering this when the "what-if" gremlins start doing their dance...and put in Sliding Doors for an afternoon watch!


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