shout out!

I was over at decor8 today & in commenting about reusable shopping bags, I thought "why don't I ever give props to things I dig on my blog?" So I thought I'd take this opportunity to do just that--with the same shout out I gave to Envirosax over at decor8!


I LOVE these bags. I first found out about them about 2+ years ago via a teeny blip of a product mention in some random magazine I was reading while getting my nails done. I jotted the website down, thankfully, and then actually remembered to check it out at a later time. I ordered my first set of bags (back then, they only had maybe 2-3 design sets to choose from). I still use that original set ALL.THE.TIME...for weekly groceries & also for other easy-tote-necessary occasions. I would love to get some of the groovy new designs, but my set is still holding up so well after all this time, that I can't quite purchase anything new yet.

I love that 1) they are bright & decorative, but also 2) the material they're made of makes them lightweight to store/carry and very easy to keep clean (without having to throw into a washer every time you get a smudge or drip on it), but 3) they roll up & snap shut into a teeny little ball, so you can easily throw one in your purse to have available for those spur-of-the-moment purchases that can sometimes pop up.

So there you go--my Envirosax schpeel. I do not work for them, get paid by them, or own stock in them. I just love them & I even buy them for friends & family as gifts cause they really are that kickass!


xoxo!

is there a point?

I'm starting to wonder what the point of this here blog is anyway. I haven't been keeping up with it as much as I'd like...partly from not having anything positive to say most days & partly from not having anything particularly creative to share.

I get blasts of inspiration, not just for the blog but life, and then I sorta settle back into my routine of not doing anything about it. It's interesting because even though I do think I'm feeling more steadily energized and a bit more mentally positive, the rut that I've become accustomed to through 2+ years of sustained lethargy is tough to snap out of even now that I feel capable of snapping. I'm sure like anything, it'll take time to re-establish routines, re-nurture a creative schedule, and re-learn what productivity means to me. I'm just so damn impatient.

Anywhoooo, I am enjoying my e-writing class. It's HARD though! But it seems to be satisfying my creative yearnings for the time being, even if it means I'm still not making any new art which means not getting closer to opening an Etsy shop. But all in good time, right? Hmmph, fine!

xoxo!

so far, so good

Well Saturday proved to be an exceptionally perky day for me...something I haven't experienced in some time. I don't know if it was a fluke, the placebo effect from starting my new medication the day prior (I mean surely it can't be working THAT fast), the fact that the sun was out for the first time in too many grey days. But I went with it.

It wasn't so much that I got TONS done, but that I was "up," in good spirits, and thinking clearly. I did spend many hours writing my first assignment for my new e-writing course which felt wonderful to actually be doing something creative. Mind you, it was frustrating & hard, but the good kind that makes you feel alive & proud, even if it's not award-winning quality. I got out in the sunny weather to do some errands & such, and managed to hold onto energy well into the evening without so much as lying on the couch or spending the day in my PJs!

Unfortunately Sunday was AS perky, but it was still better than most days, and while I didn't get nearly all the things done that I really wanted to, I'm not getting bent out of shape about it. I did run across the video below of the lovely Judy Wise. I only know Judy through other artists' adoration & admiration of her, plus she's currently in my Unravelling group which feels like a treat. After watching the video, not only did I get some flashes of inspiration of how to keep (or in my case, instigate) the creative juices flowing, but I realized why she is indeed the wise woman of so many art communities.



It helped remind me that creativity is where you make it; creativity is not perfect; and you have to create to be creative, not the other way around! Thanks Judy!

xoxo!

Thankful Friday

collage via Scrapitorium

I've recently been inspired by someone else's Thankful Fridays & thought I'd like to start doing this for myself to help with the grumps I seem to get mired down in. This is the perfect Friday to start on because I have something very much to be thankful for today. Plus who isn't thankful simply that it's Friday!?

I got a prescription for a medication that I am desperately hoping is going to make a HUGE difference in how I'm feeling. That might not seem like that big of a deal, but it's not something that docs give out with regularity (because it's to treat something many don't really believe in). I'm not trying to be overtly cryptic, but it's not entirely necessary to get into the details of it...just that two weeks ago I decided to schedule an appointment with the doc that diagnosed me with CFS after not going back to her (in frustration) for over a year, specifically to see if she'd just flat out prescribe me this medication whether she believed in it or not. I stressed somewhat about this for the last 2 weeks...feeling like this was my best shot to feel better & knowing if she turned me down, I was sort of out of options temporarily. For the record: I am not at all a pill poppin' kind of gal, so for me to be putting all my eggs in one pill bottle is a BIG deal.

But she didn't turn me down...she was very receptive, prescribed me the medication, and is willing to work with me to sort it out if these meds don't work. I feel so relieved just at that...now here's hoping my theory on what this medication will do comes through for me & I start feeling better in a week or so! Fingers crossed people...I need this to work really badly! :)

Also thankful for today:
a certain communication with a certain Scotsman
sunshine coming out after a week of grey rain
embarking on a writing course to dust off my skills & get me out there with my work

xoxo!

resonating

This saying is resonating with me as I struggle to figure out what is going with my chronic fatigue & its frustrating affects on my creativity.

When health is absent Wisdom cannot reveal itself, Art cannot become manifest, Strength cannot be exerted, Wealth is useless and Reason is powerless. Herophiles

I know I've been bitching alot about not feeling well & it pissing me off, etc, etc. It's hard not to get down when I have a kazillion & one things in my head (and I'm sure even more things yet to be dreamt) that are going stagnant with my inability to GET CREATIVE in this haze of lethargy & lack of motivation. I see other people creating such unique and wonderful work & I feel very left out & falling behind & washed up before I've gotten started.

But I must go easy on myself & understand there is a reason for all this and hold onto hope that once I'm back in action, I will soar!

xoxo!

visibility

me trying to be more visible

It's funny because my intention word for 2010 is VISIBILITY, yet since the beginning of the year, I have been a bit invisible on this blog. In my own (partial) defense--I have not been feeling great since getting back to work after the holidays & I've been Unravelling which has taken up some of my online time.

But back to my word: I chose visibility for two reasons: 1) to be seen, and 2) to see clearly.

The truth is, I have been hiding out in a sense for the last couple of years with not feeling well, going through some stuff, etc, etc. But it's gotten lonely & as much as I feel people around me don't understand & I get sick of explaining or excusing myself to them, I know I need people in my life. And more than that, I want a partner in my life.

Along those lines, I want to be more visible to find a partner. I want to get rid of the residual hesitation and unsurity and questions & be open to the right person coming into me life. But he can't find me if he can't see me!

I also want to be seen for who I truly am, not for the facades I put on because of some of the roles I've chosen to play like "office worker" "paralegal" "troubled/sad/lonely girl". That's not to say I don't show people the real me, I do, but more often than not, I'm presenting a part of myself that I don't want to be a part of anymore, so it feels unreal & inauthentic.

The same goes for my art--I have to put it out there to get seen. And doing this will help me with presenting a truer me to the world.

In addition to being seen, I want to see clearly--I want to be able to trust my intuition/inner voice, see the signs of life beckoning me deeper in, hear the directions and answers to the questions and concerns I have about what to do, where to go, how to do it. I want to stop second-guessing myself & staying paralyzed because I can't see which way to jump. This goes for everything: finding a partner (and not making the same mistakes I have in the past), career change (and not making the same mistakes I have in the past), and overall life decisions in general (trying more, being less afraid, leaping without worrying).

So after being invisible here for a few days (so much that "anonymous" commented just to check in on me--thank you for caring btw), I am hoping to put my visibility to action on this blog...and let the rest be seen in its due time!

xoxo!

detach here

found image blogged about here

Been feeling a bit detached lately. I'm really noticing it more than other times because I started my e-course off with a bang & full of excitement & interest & connections, but I have been finding myself drifting a bit this last week, not only from it, but from so much of my new years momentum & cheer. And really from myself, if I had to be perfectly honest.

I spent this past week in a constant state of grumbles...out of sorts, irritable, moody, easily agitated. I thought it was hormones because it was sorta that time & then it wasn't that time anymore yet the grumbles still clung to me from morning til night. And actually they clobbered me & held me hostage all.weekend.long, creating another unproductive & icky sort of weekend for me.

I hate to do this & blame it on yet another "food thing," but I really believe it's sugar working its evil magic on me. We just don't think along, yet I can't seem to accept this proven fact. I think it makes me crazy & depressed & unmotivated & sad & lazy & angry & weepy & lost. It's the only way I can explain feeling up & hopeful & content, only to come crashing down with nothing external changing to prompt the spiral into a dark abyss.

I had been doing really well keeping the sugar at bay up through the holidays, but I know exactly where it all turned around. A sip of champagne for a friend's birthday...and that was really all it took. The next morning I had a teeny bite of same friend's birthday cake icing (because I can't eat the cake) and the following day a handful of legal gluten-free cookies for my drive back home. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I've been noticing that it has crept back into my life in subtle ways...a bite of something here, a piece of something there, a handful of these that one time, then a package of those another time...until I look back & realize it's been in my day every day for several days...and I am lying curled up on the couch all bloody day, for mulitple days in a row, feeling lazy & useless & sad & angry & inconsolably tired, trying to figure out where it all went wrong in my life (btw: I'm not speaking metaphorically) ...when really, it only went wrong when I had that sip of champagne which led to all the other little morsels of sugar that assaulted me & took me hostage.

So back on the wagon to being sugar free...which means alcohol free...which right now seems pretty f*cking boring, but alas, feeling so crappy isn't really a barrel of monkeys either. One day I'm going to learn.

xoxo!